Feel the Evil and Shame [Writing]

"The Cage" by Bitterjug via Flickr

“The Cage” by Bitterjug via Flickr

Long, slow movements across vast distances, they conspire with the valleys and mountains of emotions hidden under dark seas to bring waves of deceptively lazy power slamming against the fragile beaches of sanity. Only thing holding this coastline in shape is the tenuous grip on the lesser insanity, for sanity itself was an illusory subconscious dream I woke from before I could choose to discard consciously. I can only be and give myself, and I am very broken; see my scars, see my blood, see my heart, see the tiny squirming diseased thoughts raping my health and emotions and memories of happiness? I love them and want to be eaten alive… I love you and want to share them… I hate them and fear the look in your eyes once you know… I hurt you and love the look in your eyes as you feel our pain fuck… I scream and fill you… Insanity caged but never buried, examined and honestly secret, things so horrible they scared me for years away from being the Leader, the Dominant Partner, the Master. The evil done to and by lives inside me, and you never have to feel the edge of hatred, the stupidity of impossible tasks, the punishment for anything less than making you better and giving you pleasure. You are already better than me, I was worthless and crawled out of the slime with the stench of evil laying in the scars upon me always. You may guess at horrible things, you may even imagine as fantasy some of the things I will not reveal, for there are wonders in the most grand perversions of the flesh and mind. The things you imagine can never touch the reality of what is monstrous inside me… and even with the control I have over the caged beast I am not convinced you shouldn’t all be running very far away from the stain I carry inside. I could spread my diseases, I could twist and play and destroy and you would love me the whole while. I could burn it all and laugh with ashes in my mouth as I walked over many lives, open the cage and my monster will protect me unto death, insulated by the slime and scars. The power can burn so bright, a supernova of concentration twisting the universe to the will of a gibbering madman plucking the stars from the sky to pinch them out just to watch your tears fall. My shadow can grow so bright I blind you with it, dazzle your eyes with power and glory and tricks of fire dancing while I inflict scars. Can you feel my fingers of plague warping you yet? What have I done to you, I don’t even know if I can trust to remember what I’ve done to myself correctly, if the monster has been loose in my mind it may already be too late… all evidence says the cage holds and it appears to be there waiting, patient under my scrutiny… regarding and regarded in a private exhibition of hell for single mind to endure for eternity… but wouldn’t the lie be exactly like this if it has already taken control? Are you still waiting for me? Are you ready to serve? Do you understand that I will hurt you, I will brighten and darken you, I will bruise you and bleed you. I am broken, and I will burn in the darkness. I am broken, and I will bathe in the pain. I am broken, I accept my evil and shame. I will exercise and revel in my power over evil, over sickness, over mind, over you, over myself. Run? Too Fucking Late.

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