50 Shades of Fucked Up [Writing]

Original Link to Edelmira’s Writing Reprinted with Author’s permission. Copyright 2012 Edelmira

peVp By Bella Aldo via Flickr

peVp By Bella Aldo via Flickr



I’m not normally one for journal entries. However over the past week or so, I have been reading a series of books, the first of which entitled “50 Shades of Grey” by EL James. I have to say, I feel rather strongly about them. I figured here was as good of a place as any to post my ramblings, and why exactly this book affected me the way that it did. Plus I’d love to hear thoughts from other likeminded kinky individuals who have also read the book.

If you haven’t heard of these books, you must have been living under a rock in a very small town. It seems they are all the rage lately. They appear to be the new substitute for Danielle Steele novels, now giving hopeless romantics everywhere what I feel to be a very wrong impression of us kinksters. My vanilla friends have been adamant that I read these books since I’m into “all that weird kinky stuff” Naturally, they thought I would love it. They couldn’t have been more wrong. I struggled through the first book, although at that point the sex scenes were still somewhat exciting. The second book I loathed, I kept telling myself that I was only reading so I could have an educated opinion about them. The third, cause fuck, I’ve gone too far at this point just pissed me the fuck off.

WARNING: I WILL GIVE AWAY VITAL PLOT POINTS. IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING THE BOOK, OR WOULD LIKE TO, I WOULD RECOMMEND YOU STOP READING NOW. I WILL RUIN IT FOR YOU.

Secondary warning, by no means is this a book report, merely a string of my thoughts regarding the book. I’ll probably make several spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I tend to use both incomplete sentences and run on sentences. I will not be providing footnotes, or specific references, or present my points in chronological order. Not to mention the excessive swearing. If you can manage to see past that, please enjoy the read.

Where to start? Well this is a romance novel. Everyone seems to think it is about BDSM but frankly, it’s just a book with tons of gratuitous rough sex scenes. The book is written from the perspective of Anastasia Steele, a virgin, a student, and overall goody two shoes. Cue big bad Dom, Christian Grey, control freak, wealthy CEO and apparent sadist. Yes I realize these are fictional characters, but that doesn’t make me any less aggravated.

The story begins with Ana and her friend Kathryn: over bearing, nosy best friend, and hardheaded writer for the school newspaper. After months of insisting on an interview with Christian Grey, Kathryn has fallen ill and begs of Ana to do the interview with christian in her place. This is where the magic all begins. Christian Grey is wealthy, buff, fashionable, stern, blunt, and but of course, troubled. He sounds like a modern day version of a Prince Charming.

I’ll give the writer this, if she was looking for Anastasia Steele to come across as selfish, naïve, and ignorant, she hit the nail on the fucking head. However after delving into the book, I fear that it is simply the author who is ignorant. You would think that someone that sets out to write a kinky novel, would be involved in kink, or at least conduct a bit of field research. I know I don’t know this woman, but I don’t care for her one fucking bit. There are few things that piss me off more than stupidity and ignorance. Check and check.

Perhaps I should try and explain a little bit better. Ill do my best to say this in the most politically correct way possible. Most ‘nillers seem to think that people that are involved in BDSM suffered from abuse or a traumatic experience. Most of the general public views our sexual preferences as unhealthy, a secret way to exercise our self-hatred, constantly punishing or being punished. The author does absolutely nothing to dispel those rumors, and plays right into that stereotype.

Yes, some of us may be victims of rape, or abuse, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we crave to be abused or to abuse. There are a lot of kinksters that have endured abuse or rape and have put a positive spin on a bad situation. When I say abused, I do not mean simply being beaten. I am a firm believer in the fact that there is a difference between kink and abuse.

Between two consenting adults, with guidelines in place, there is no problem with verbal degradation, humiliation, or acts of violence. A good Dom/Domme should know what is ok, and what is not. A good Dom/Domme generally cares for his or her sub, cares for his or her well being, and takes comfort in the fact that the sub is getting as much pleasure and gratification from the relationship as they are. In my opinion, yes, there are a lot of abusive people that hide behind kink. I firmly believe that it shouldn’t be like that. I digress…

Christian was adopted. He lived the first four years of his life being beaten by his junkie prostitute mother and her pimp daddy. It took two fucking books to learn this much about him. Must be because he’s so deep and complex. So now, he can’t tolerate being touched in certain places and enjoys beating up brunettes that look like his crack whore mother. Great. And now miss prim and proper Anastasia is here to solve all of his problems and break down his stern exterior. Ill delve more into that later. Cause all Doms are just boys with mommy issues right? Barf.

Not only that, Christian was introduced to the lifestyle by his adopted mothers friend, Mrs. Robinson. He began the lifestyle as a submissive. For the first two books, Christian only indulges small details about this relationship. Ana is convinced that because Mrs. Robinson was Christians dominant, that she was pedophile. It is the cause of many fights throughout the book and became annoying quickly. Ok let me get this straight, I do not support the idea of a 15 year old boy and a grown woman having sex. However, in the book he attributes a great amount of his success to Mrs Robinson because she taught him self discipline and obedience. While I don’t agree with Christian idealizing Mrs Robinson, I certainly didn’t agree with Ana’s stance against her. Especially because it is only revealed how young he was during that relationship in the last book. But before that, Ana has it in her head that this woman is abusive and manipulating. Upon further explanation about their sexcapades, I may side with Ana. However I don’t like how she spoke of her that way with seemingly no reason, apart from the fact that she was dominant. Another great message. All Dommes are fucked up manipulating pedophiles with something to prove. Jesus.

There must be a certain level of control and trust in order to allow us to delve further into our sexual fantasies with a partner. There must be security and confidence that we are not being judged no matter how “wrong” others may think our sexual preferences are. There must be rules, ones that are a constant. In this book rules are broken, and there really is no level of trust or respect. It irked me.

Christian seems to enjoy making rules, and then making exceptions. The more Ana disobeys, the more he falls in love with her. The more she fucks up, the more attention she gets, does this seem back asswards to anyone else? How am I supposed to respect the idea of a Dom that just allows his sub to call all of the shots? Christian is a complete control freak. However, I can understand why because every time Ana makes a promise, she breaks it. Even lying about something as simple as going out for drinks with friends. Stupid two faced slut.

The majority of the book is a painfully slow description of Ana’s inner turmoil while she struggles to accept her partners sexual preferences. Constantly running away, attempting to earn trust and then ruining it, time and time again. She feels as though she will never be enough. She’s probably right, with that attitude.

At first i was annoyed at how suffocating the Dom was. He not only buys her clothes, shoes, cars, mini vacations and jewelry but also offers her a job, buys out the company she works for when she refuses his offer for a job, monitors her friends, fights all her battles for her, appears at a moments notice in his chopper, hires security and asks her to move in after only a few months. But after a while I realize I would probably want to suffocate her too. (in more ways than one) She’s too stupid to make any of her own decisions, and manages to fuck up every time christian loosens the reigns a bit. But wait, I’m supposed to feel bad for Ana and her myriad of feelings? Bitch please.

I admire the fact that they discuss safe words, hard limits and soft limits. My positive notes end hers. In my opinion, Christian is one pussy of a Dom. No marks? no fireplay? no asphyxiation or breath play? no piercings? Come on man. I’m out, you just took away half my fun.

At one point in the book, Ana begs and pleads to Christian for the worst. She wants to know how bad a punishment can get, six belt lashes later, yes, six, the bitch runs out the door. Fist of all, use your safeword you stupid cunt. And second of all, 6 lashes? That’s the worst it gets? That’s a fucking warm up.

One part that made me extremely angry. Ana was being punished, I don’t even remember why at this point, but her and Christian were fighting because she had done something stupid, and he decides to tie her up and take her to the play room. Already in a bad mood, Ana utters her safe word. No no, not because of a beating, but because the big bad Dom keeps pushing her to the brink of orgasm with a magic wand (hitachi? Cool, at least this stupid author knows one thing) and then keeps denying her her orgasm. She cries red and it all stops. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. Poor little thing, spoiled rotten little brat, a beautiful bazillionaire Dom denies you an orgasm and you scream safeword? First of all you deserved a punishment, second of all, you call that a punishment? Third, this is the best part, he makes her feel guilty for using her safe word. After one and a half books of him assuring her that he will stop at any time, and love her regardless, he makes her feel bad. This is messed. I’ll admit I actually cried after that damn part. I think any sub (not to say that this brat is a good one) goes though an internal struggle after they safeword. a looming feeling of disappoinment, almost feeling as though they let themselves and their Dom down. A good Dom provides after care. Christian lets her run away and be by herself, this has bad written all over it. Call me sensitive but because of past experiences ive had, that put me in a really bad head space.

The writing is amateur and repetitive. I’m pretty sure she referenced the “way his pants hung off his hips just so” at twenty times in the first book, and more in the second and third. Think I’m exaggerating? I’m not. If I read that one more time, i swear I’ll gouge my eyes out.

The sex scenes. Oh the sex scenes. Ok let me point this out, three books, Sex scene essentially every other page. That’s alot of sex scenes you say? you’re telling me! They go something like this. He tugs her nipple, she’s wet “oh Ana you’re always so ready” “oh chistian I’m only yours” “I can feel his erection pressing into me” “tell me what you want” “you, now, please” never once did she say “I want your cock in my cunt”. Even after he tried to implement a rule saying that If she couldn’t ask for it, he couldn’t do it. Yet another wishy washy rule, pet peeve of mine if you can’t tell.

Right, sex scene. “he rubbed my sex” “he fingered my sex” “he filled my sex” Jesus fucking Christ, it is a vagina! Call it whatever you want: cunt, slit, beef curtains, piss flaps, cooter, poon, vagoo, fuck I’ll even tolerate the word pussy, just stop saying “my sex”!!! Is anyone else troubled by the fact that a grown woman can’t even so much as type the word vagina? And yet feels confident enough in her sexual conquests to write a book about it…

Anyways so after her sex is all fucking wet and we’ve established it belongs to Christian, it goes one of two ways. They go slow and call it making love or he pounds her to shit and they both orgasm in unison. Every. Fucking. Time. “come for me Ana” “not yet” “oh Ana” “let me hear it” yadda yadda. Really? I had no idea it was all so easy. Sounds like they’re living in a fairy tale if you ask me. I rarely orgasm let alone a synchronized one. Maybe that’s just me being bitter.

So now they’re in love and Christian is the one with the inner turmoil. His sadist self realizes that now he feels guilty about beating up the woman he loves. All this after some bruises from handcuffs. Wow, and just like that his sadism is cured, it’s a miracle! Now he can settle for light spankings and spreader bars. If you ask me they’ve both compromised and that spells trouble.

What could possibly make this story any better, you ask? Well if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that a baby fixes everything (scoff) Christian actually allowed Ana to be in charge of her own birth control, surprise, she fucked up and now she’s pregnant. It’s like one step forward, ten steps back with these damn people. As soon as their relationship seems to be working out, something goes wrong. Upon learning about the pregnancy, Christian runs back to Mrs Robinson to “talk”, proceeds to get shit face wasted and then decides they can’t be friends and all is well again. And then doesn’t even allow Ana to be upset with him over it.

Fast forward. Christian is the perfect dad, their relationship is that of a fairy tale and Ana is pregnant with their second child.

Second last chapter is a description of life, from the eyes of a 4 year old Christian. He describes his starvation, the horrible smell as his crack whore mother’s body is left in the same room as him to rot.

Last chapter. An explanation of the first day that Ana stumbled into Christians office. Written from his perspective. I quite liked this bit actually, I’m happy to know I wasn’t alone in wanting to smack a bitch. However this author is a big one on the inner turmoil. Christian wants to make Ana his sub, but feels guilty about it, feels as though he’ll wreck her life. Blah blah blah. I don’t know if it’s because of the direct comparison, or maybe that I felt age play was insinuated, but this just left me feeling uneasy.

Ok. I don’t like what you did there. Direct comparison made. Thank you very much EL James, for allowing the world to see what a fucked up bunch we all are. What a load of bull shit. I have never had something offend me the way this book has. Yes, I know it’s just a book. However now it is a very mainstream book (soon to be movie) giving even more and more people the wrong idea about us kinksters. We can have functioning relationships. We can have self worth too. We can enjoy kink without it being self harming and negative. We can live full and functioning happy lives even though we get off on pain.

But thank you very much for doing us the privilege of making bdsm mainstream, you uneducated ignorant assuming cunt.

End rant.


Original Link to Edelmira’s Writing Reprinted with Author’s permission. Copyright 2012 Edelmira

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