listener-blue:

girl-supremacy:

I do not understand how some people cannot grasp the fact that YES YOU CAN HURT PEOPLE WITH YOUR PERSONAL CHOICES. Like participating in bdsm CAN AND DOES forward the oppression of all women everywhere! It doesn’t matter if it’s all consensual because the center of bdsm says that women are supposed to be subservient and submissive! And it just reaffirms the misogynistic tendencies that are already ingrained your partners brains. And YES that does affect everyone, whether or not you choose to acknowledge it. So please stop trying to use bdsm as something feminist because /it’s noottttttt/

As someone who is not into BDSM I cannot tell you how much this post angers me.

Firstly you make the assumption that BDSM always involves a man and a woman, completely erasing gay, lesbian and bisexual folk who are into BDSM. 

Secondly you make the assumption that in a BDSM relationship between a man and a woman, the woman will always be submissive. That is so unbelievably ignorant and uneducated of you that I can’t even fathom why you are bothering to post on this subject at all. If you are unwilling to do any research on the matter and are just going to talk based merely on supposition, and your own obvious prejudices, then I would ask you not to bother at all.

Finally, I thought feminism was about personal choice? In which case surely having the freedom to choose how to express yourself sexually should absolutely be on the feminist agenda? Surely it is more misogynistic to make the assumption (like you have) that women involved in BDSM are somehow coerced, and are incapable of making up their own mind about their sexual preferences? If anything reaffirms misogyny it is exactly the kind of thinking that presumes women have no control over their own lives, whether it be sexually or otherwise.

As someone who is in to BDSM heavily, 24/7 with live in slaves, I can attest to how right @listener-blue is about the reality of BDSM. Our community is more accepting of non binary gender roles and sexualities than the vanilla world and even many who call themselves feminists like @girl-supremacy.

There it’s no “center of BDSM” that says all women must be submissive, the very idea is laughable in the community. We call it people who espouse the “one true way”, which is often mangled for comedic effect like “wan twue whey”. Much like @girl-supremacy is doing in their post.

We treat people as people, not their gender or sexuality, and we get to know them before engaging in any play. This includes asking them what their own needs and wants are and really listening, no matter if it’s light spanking or hardcore beating while being called vulgar names. We are a consent based culture, and if it’s really all about personal choice and consent then you must recognize that women (all people) can give consent for what they want even if it doesn’t match what you think they should want.

Of course misogynistic people (not just men) exist in any community, but ours is one that is more complex than the stereotypes of a man who thinks all women are slaves or the leather clad dominatrix spanking executives for money. People talk openly about issues of gender, sexuality, sex, kinks, abuse, BDSM, etc. We even hold classes and discussions regularly across the world in our local communities about all these subjects and more, with one of the most common being a “BDSM 101” intro that includes information on consent, negotiation, as well as red flags to watch out for and the difference between consensual BDSM and abuse.

My relationships with several people (of varying genders and sexuality) who are my slaves does not mean they (and I) aren’t feminists, it just means they are making consensual choices.

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